I can’t really say when exactly I had my first feelings of affection for another male, but I know it was around age eleven. It was the strangest thing to me, but it didn’t feel “unnatural.” I confessed to a trusted cousin what I was going through and he laughed it off……I suppose he thought I was joking. School was a very lonely experience as I felt I was the only one like me. The fact that I grew up in an extremely homophobic Southern Baptist family didn’t help my anxiety. I was constantly depressed during high school by the fact that my “condition” showed no signs of receeding. I watched as classmates that actually had the courage and conviction to come out were ridiculed and treated like subhumans.

College has proven to be easier to bear as people are generally more open minded at this level.

The greatest heartbreak I have suffered due to being bisexual was my falling out with my beloved Scout council. The fall that I graduated high school, I met a guy who I will call John (not his real name.) We hit it off immediately and very much enjoyed each other’s company. Our friendship became much deeper and he implied several times that it could be even more so. He was 18 and I was 19.

I invited him to work on staff at the Scout camp, where I had worked since my early teen years during the summer. During the time just before camp, he became involved with a girl that had just turned 15. I was of course upset, but my main objection was that she was so young. I made my objections known but he still thought it wise to have irresponsible sexual contact with her. One day at camp, when he was ignoring his duty as a rifle range safety aid and one of the boys had a nearly fatal oversight with a rifle, I lost it. Once the boys had gone I let him have it. I basically said if he couldn’t stop texting his schoolgirl long enough to watch the shooters then he needed to go home. He replied that he was leaving and didn’t wish to see me anymore. All those months of being there for him when he was feeling down due to his family situation, just brushed aside like they meant nothing. I tried for days to get in touch with him but my calls were ignored.

At this point, due to wanting back on John’s A list, another aquaintance who will be called Matt decided to sweep in for the kill. John told him that we had been in a very emotional relationship over the last five months and Matt decided to turn the entire council against me. He proceeded to slanderize me by telling everyone that I was gay and only was involved with the Scouts to…….well you get the picture. That is, of course, not true. I am attracted to guys but never, in nine years, even had a thought of hurting any of the boys. The council executive decided to run with the story as he and I had certain personal conflicts due to philosophical differences on what Scouting should be.

He contacted the parents of every scout that I knew personally and spun the same story. Not one of the people that had known me for so many years stood up in my favor. It was at that point that I left, never to set foot on the soil of the camp I grew up in again.

I suppose my reason for this hellishly long post is to encourage those that face adversity for something over which we have no control. Even though it may seem like every person on earth hates you……..God has put that perfect person out there just for you. The ball is in your court.